2.8 The luckiest man in the world

Yeah, right, I’m so glad they can’t watch us all the time…… oh, hi! You’re back already… I didn’t notice. So, where did we stop? Right, I was just showing you our sweet new house. This is where I was living with my girlfriend now. I liked that thought.

It didn’t take us very long to settle in, since not that much had changed. Sure, the house was bigger, we had new furniture and only half of the house was green – the other half was purple, Ivy’s favorite color –, yet it was her and me living together. And that was what counted.

Jeez, who are you and what have you done with Alfie? It’s sweet that you’re in love, but please stop talking like you’re in a romance novel. 

I won’t. Our first night as a couple was kind of interrupted, unfortunately.  

Ivy, how are you feeling?

Bleuuurgh.

Okay, I’ll wait for you in bed. What do you think is wrong with her? Should I be worried?

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with her. And you shouldn’t be worried. You should probably be happy instead, because… no, she has to tell you. It’s her body.

What about her body?

*whistles and looks away*

Uh…honey… I have to tell you something.

I know it has something to do with your body, but I don’t know what it is. Please tell me, I’m dying here.

I’m kind of…expecting.

Expecting what?

A baby. I’m pregnant. We’re having a baby.

*gulps*

…Alfie?

*stares*

…Alfie?
*keeps staring*

*also stares at TV screen*

…Ivy?

*stares*
…Ivy?

Oh my god, I’m going to be a father.

Yes, you are. Now tell her that you’re happy about that, dammit! Before she thinks you’re not.

*changes into real clothes and scoops closer* Ivy, I don’t know what to say. This is unbelievable. We are going to be parents! I’m so happy!

Really? Me, too. Oh, Alfie, I’m so glad you’re happy about this – you seemed shocked a minute ago.

That’s because I was…but positively shocked.

Ivy’s pregnancy made me think about my life, and what was really important. And then, one afternoon, I made a choice. Just watch how happy she is.

We’re engaged. We are going to get married. Ivy, the most wonderful woman in the world, is going to be my wife, and we are going to have a child together. It’s like everything I ever dreamed of has now become true.

*wipes tears from eyes* awww, that’s really sweet. I am so happy for you guys – not only because this means more idiots!

Ivy decided that she was in charge of our meals. If you think back to the food I consumed as a bachelor, you probably won’t find it hard to understand that I instantly agreed. This was safer for all of us. Real food, how awesome was that!

While she took care of the cooking and the house, which I apparently wasn’t capable of, I tried to prepare myself for being a father. There were so many books I could read, and so many things I needed to know. 

Oh, you caught me. That was not the pregnancy book; that was the sequel of “Magnetic Attraction”.

Before I was ready for it, Ivy’s water broke. I panicked, and she started shouting at me, demanding to stop panicking. Well, that didn’t help. Now I panicked because I couldn’t stop panicking.

 

While I was still busy running in circles, screaming, she called a taxi and we went to the hospital, where we would welcome our first child.